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Birthday Celebrations: Ageless Plus One They Puke

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Birthday Celebrations: Ageless Plus One They Puke

By: Balami Lazarus

As I write this piece, I was caught between the beautiful literary works of two great African poets and not knowing who to quote because they say the same thing poetically in different ways, going by their subject matter. As the writing progresses, I will definitely make reference to one of them to qualify this discourse.

The “Ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead” I read recently has explicitly expressed our individual differences exhibited by man in lifestyles and even in death. The book written in spell said that even in death, individuals are different.

I hereby believe that some persons are battling with parents, relatives, friends, and acquaintances who are trying to impose their ways of life and styles on them, refusing to accept the fact that likes and dislikes make us different as humans. When I got to understand myself as an individual adult who has a mind of his own, making me positively different, that was the beginning of my journey to self-freedom as an individual.

As humans, we are physically the same, but we easily forget that you and I are entirely different. I have always tried to single myself out from the crowd to make a difference in terms of things that are personal and not against the law. With this in mind, I have developed a very strong, self-independent mindset, which has made me principled, and I don’t play to the gallery. That has also made me stand out like an inselberg mountain. However, for the purpose of family, collective responsibilities, and public interest, I must stoop with love and understanding for the sake of progress, growth, and development.

Therefore, my dislike for birthday celebrations makes me different from you or anyone out there. Moreover, it is of no value to me as I live. With this, I recalled when a young school pupil was asked at a children’s program, Would you like to be like Aliko Dangote ?

He answered and said, “No, we are different.” For me, that was a brilliant answer, for it entails so many things.

I have long disciplined and have control of my mind, body, and soul to outgrow so many things that are not necessary or important for me to either have , do, or use. This has helped me to brush aside and ignore so many things. Perhaps for the purpose of association or friendship, I might like or admire some things about the individual concerned, but the fact remains I will not and shall never be you nor do as you do because even in death—funeral/burial—we are different.

Most birthdays are celebrated empty of how old the celebrants are because they are ageless. What is the rationale behind this?. Does it make sense? . My father, of blessed memory, was good at record keeping. He taught us, as his children, to be mindful of important dates and years for future use and documentation. He further reminded us that “your birthday has been properly celebrated during your naming ceremony. Why another birthday celebratio”n?

I have seen where some people took birthday celebrations as if they were a personal achievement, and some even took offense when you did not identify with them by either phone calls , text messages, or other social media handles. Shamelessly, few among these individuals confront you with the anger of a black mamba showing all over them as if it were an obligation to celebrate with them on this self-meaningless and childish glee, which I see as generational encroachment because as a mature adult, you no longer need such celebration. This is my opinion.

I will not conclude this article without telling readers that I do attend ceremonies like Thanksgiving, graduations, award presentations, marriages, namings, and funerals, among other important events, but not birthday celebrations; that is always Plus (+) One, year in and year out. What is a burlesque? And this brings me to where I will have to quote one of the two African poets, Wole Soyinka and John Pepper Clark (Abikus). Suffice to say, Plus (+) One is like the Abiku in Wole Soyinka’s poem “I am Abiku calling for the first… repeated time , ageless though our puke.” This is the way of many birthday celebrants .

Finally, I smell the spoor of some readers saying in their minds that this writer is out of date , a bushman, socially bankrupt, and does not belong. I guess I am right . Well, in recollection, calmness, and stillness, I stand to say we are different.

Balami, a publisher/columnist 08036779290.

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Women and Money: Why Men Keep Money Away From Their Partners

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Women and Money: Why Men Keep Money Away From Their Partners

By: Balami Lazarus

I was contemplating two words as language of use in this article: “hiding” and “keeping.” Having carefully settled for keeping simply means to protect or safeguard what rightfully belongs to you, like money, the subject of the work. With this in mind, I deemed it fit to progress with the writing.

In folktales, songs and stories, sayings and proverbs, money has been mentioned long before now, either in a good or bad light. But most times in the latter. Therefore, money has always been the bone of contention in relationships of different shades—individuals, lovers, and spouses—that sometimes breed brawls in a family setting.

Men are known to be the head of families and providers of necessary and basic needs of their families. Men toil and sweat with challenges and risks to legitimately provide for their families, where money plays a major role in meeting the family needs at all times.

Men not only engaged in providing, but the burden and totality of his family responsibilities rested on him. Therefore, to meet up with the family responsibilities, married men are cautious and frugal in spending their money on things that are not necessary, unlike most women out there, who spend money on wants, deliberately refusing to separate wants from needs. And these spendings of theirs can wake the dead from their peaceful rest.

The song of Dr. Mamman Shata, ‘kashi kudi ta hayan mai kyau,’ threw my mind to the wisdom of my late father, who used to caution us, his children, on spending our money on wants. Some never took him seriously, but today I am among those that saw meanings in that.

Few women are wealth creators; equally, some few among them do spend money on needs. I have observed over time as a young man and as a husband that most women are careless in spending money. They spend to belong, meaning for wants and things that are in vogue for mere appearance to announce the presence.

Because of their excessive demands, spending money on wants is their life investment spread in chattels that have no secondhand value.

Women’s attitudes towards money have made their spouses keep their hard-earned money away from them. It has come to a time where, after discharging their basic family responsibilities, men closed the chapter of money/spending.

The moment some wives see their husbands with money, that is when a long list of wants rears its ugly head in place of needs. Women are highly extravagant with vengeance when it comes to spending that they don’t earn or make by their efforts; in such a situation, you are a spectator. The worst of such is common in the relationships among young adults.

And as a man, if you are not spending for your spouse on her endless wants, you are, without a second thought, considered stingy, uncaring, local, conservative, and not romantic.

Many of them thought their wants were rights that must be fulfilled at all times, not knowing that those are not core family needs and responsibilities.

Balami, a Publisher/Columnist, 08036779290.

Women and Money: Why Men Keep Money Away From Their Partners

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The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (2)

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The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (2)

By: Balami Lazarus

This is the conclusion of the work on the subject above.

Universities are the highest level of academic teaching and learning, where students are trained in different educational courses and awarded degree certificates. Universities are also centers of research, science, technology, and innovation. Therefore, a qualified and competent university graduate is a universal product who is supposed to stand tall and proudly defend his learning anytime, anywhere.

The bastardization of university degree certificates is aided and abetted by both academic and non-academic staff who probably might have been employed through the back doors. Likewise, many of their students. You can now freely connect the chain of corruption with its forward and backward leakages anchored in our university systems: recruitment and admission. Tell me, don’t you think that grades and certificate racketeering are more feathered?

The craze and demands for degree certificates in the labor market by employers have raised and increased the graduations of ‘certificate graduates’ at all costs by all means over the years. I heard of a story, which I am yet to verify, that a certain private university once certified and graduated many first-class graduates. For me, this is not an academic progress but a questionable act. Similarly, if you were to put them to the test in their various courses of study, you would concur with me and ask how it is possible to have such a number of supposedly first-class graduates.

The plights of ‘certificate graduates’ are self-inflicted by students who are not the serious type by all standards. If you are to do a background check on them and schools attended before their admission into the university of their choice, the story you will hear about them will definitely attract vultures.

This problem has since permeated faculties, departments, schools, and colleges of our universities where ‘certificate graduates’ are produced. Some universities have become exchange floors where you exchange your flaws for a degree certificate, which shall be given to you. And that marks the plights of such graduates.

Most of them are not helpful to themselves, always dependent on others for things you expect university graduates should know and do.

My work experience as a one-time school administrator of a private school in Narabi, Bauchi State, where I had related to, associated with, and managed ‘certificate graduates’ of the Corps on National Service (NYSC). Working with some of them was a woe of tales, because teaching was their primary duty. I pitied them.

That one experience has given me an insight into how some universities are churning out bad graduates for public recruitments.

These manners of graduates cannot work or attempt to work with good results-oriented corporate organizations where your productivity is the ladder of upward mobility.

Public and private educational institutions should join hands with relevant authorities and stakeholders to formulate a template for a sound and credible working system where students will be properly and genuinely certified as graduates.

Balami, a Publisher/Columnist 08036779290

The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (2)

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The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (1)

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The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (1)

By: Balami Lazarus

It’s the hope and aspirations of many young Nigerians, male or female, to acquire and have a sound basic academic qualification, preferably a degree, that he/she can reasonably defend in character and in learning. And productively add value to his society and self.

As a certified graduate with a degree certificate? Are you competent to defend your educational qualification at any point in time? A competent university graduate has the knowledge and intellectual capacity to speak, defend, and be proud of his academic discipline. Such graduates are well baked.

I am not in any way undermining other good graduates from other tertiary educational institutions who are capable and able to be called graduates.

Why am I specific with university graduates? It has to do with my experiences in recent times with some of them that have no measure of basic knowledge of their course of study, talk less of general knowledge. This class of graduates lacks knowledge and understanding of their academic discipline; they are behind in confidence, basking in timidity. They are always found wanting in multiple dimensions as so-called graduates. What a shame!

Now let’s begin to see the plights of a ‘certificate graduate.’ What is your name, young man? My name is Takulash. What did you study? I read political science. You read, not studied, yes sir. No wonder you cannot defend your degree certificate and its class? This is one scenario that is common in an interface with a ‘certificate graduate.’

I was privileged to be on interview panels where I engaged graduates both written and orally. Of late, many university graduates are only certificate carriers without simple knowledge of what they claimed to have studied. What has contributed to these problems? This question has been on the lips of concerned citizens and stakeholders. Some said there is a fall in standard. Others hinged on corruption practices in our educational institutions. Whatever the challenges or

the problems are? I will attribute it to the negligence of our educational system, corruption, and the proliferation of private universities in Nigeria. Basically I will say for business purposes.

Another major reason that has brought up the issues of ‘certificate graduates’ is the poor educational backgrounds of pupils, right?

from primary schools that have been neglected and left unattended, the case of public primary and secondary schools that are feeders to higher educational institutions are not cared for. With a poor educational background, how can students perform to the expectations of the universities and be productive to society as proud and competent university graduates?

My heart bleeds whenever I interface with such graduates that cannot justify their degree certificates. They are the ones that just passed through the ivory tower without any meaningful academic/intellectual gains. Many of them were corruptly aided by their teachers and supported by their parents, a common factor in most private universities where academic programs have been commercialized, including grades for monetary exchange.

These undergraduates cannot stand on their own. They are always looking for someone to do their academic work/assignments. Are you aware that ‘certificate graduates’ cannot fill out a simple form or apply for a job and/oranswer general knowledge questions in an interview?

In fact, ‘certificate graduates’ cannot withstand the challenges of society and her labor market. Many of them are not brilliant but are full of strange and criminal behaviors, and they can do anything to obtain their certificates. They have refused to allow the university to pass through them.

The Plights of ‘Certificate Graduates’ Who Read and Refused to Study (1)

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