In Marriage Nest, Spouses Are Dying, Ignoring Red Flags, and The Panacea (1)

By: Balami Lazarus

In the quite beautiful town of Zhimbutu, where men held sway, lording over their wives, some with brutality, few with love,

care and romance others in different ways. While some women are also lords over their husbands with impunity. Fear of getting married gripped young ladies seeing the ways their mothers were being treated and relegated to the background in the affairs of their homes as married women.

The home of Mr. and Mrs. Kwanchinkwalo Xhosa is full of regrets, anger, and bitterness, where Mrs. Xhosa has been treated as an object in the marriage partnership. The red spots were obviously fermented with bubbles ready for brewing.

Similarly, some good number of marriage homes are full of regrets where love, peace, and understanding

and harmony are strangers rejected and kept in a labyrinth of doom where one of the parties is placed in a perpetual tan of unhappiness surrounded by fear in the thickness of smoke, a forced resident.

Long before, now as a young man, a legitimate product of marriage. I took marriage as a mere secular social contract of partnership bounded in love and understanding where two have agreed to live together as husband and wife in matrimony.

However, I have never taken marriage to be a do-or-die affair, which has been the stock of some persons, even when and if the two—husband and wife—can no longer live together, having exhausted reasonable avenues to no avail. Here I am.

for outright divorce as a panacea for the final dissolution of the marriage.

To this day, I have been asking myself, why did I even get married in the first place? For sex, procreation, companionship, norms, tradition, or obligation? While marriage to a larger extent has deprived me and many others of some air of freedom and liberties to do or not to do at any space of time, I suppose. Moreover, the enterprise called marriage has taken away the ‘who’ in many men and

women and made them something else. It has further forcefully taken the lives of many spouses who ignored the red flags and fear of divorce. And besides, many have taken upon themselves to live or die in an unhappy/venomous venture of marriage that is infested with ‘dysentery’ and ‘cholera,’ where death is lurking because husbands or wives lack the guts, will , ability, and/or capacity to invoke the dead-end solution.

Let me now punctuate the work with some questions: Were you forced into it? Was it under duress? Was it at gunpoint? I believed the answers were all no. What will then prevent an individual from liquidating his unprofitable marital interest in such an intense business called marriage to be free from wahala that may likely result in crime?

In such a situation, I advocate for divorce as the only and final panacea, which has a comfortable place as a clause in my dictionary of marriage. Divorce is rarely used in some quarters, no matter what. While my wife and I have sincerely agreed in the course of our marriage journey that at any point in time, with or without any reason/cause, either party can quietly and peacefully walk out of the marriage to avoid who knows what?

In the history of failed marriages and crime findings, it has been shown that one of the parties is forcing his/herself on the other spouse because one of them has a profound and compounded emotional or spiritual attachment to the marriage. The case of the late Mrs. Osinachi Nwachukwu (2023), the gospel singer, was a classical example. Patience and excessive spiritual attachment led to her being killed by her husband, one Mr. Nwachukwu. The same is also applicable to men who fall victim in the hands of their wives. This situation has created two prime suspected killers living in a marriage cocoon.

Balami, a publisher/columnist. 08036779290

In Marriage Nest, Spouses Are Dying, Ignoring Red Flags, and The Panacea (1)

Birthday Celebrations: Ageless Plus One They Puke

By: Balami Lazarus

As I write this piece, I was caught between the beautiful literary works of two great African poets and not knowing who to quote because they say the same thing poetically in different ways, going by their subject matter. As the writing progresses, I will definitely make reference to one of them to qualify this discourse.

The “Ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead” I read recently has explicitly expressed our individual differences exhibited by man in lifestyles and even in death. The book written in spell said that even in death, individuals are different.

I hereby believe that some persons are battling with parents, relatives, friends, and acquaintances who are trying to impose their ways of life and styles on them, refusing to accept the fact that likes and dislikes make us different as humans. When I got to understand myself as an individual adult who has a mind of his own, making me positively different, that was the beginning of my journey to self-freedom as an individual.

As humans, we are physically the same, but we easily forget that you and I are entirely different. I have always tried to single myself out from the crowd to make a difference in terms of things that are personal and not against the law. With this in mind, I have developed a very strong, self-independent mindset, which has made me principled, and I don’t play to the gallery. That has also made me stand out like an inselberg mountain. However, for the purpose of family, collective responsibilities, and public interest, I must stoop with love and understanding for the sake of progress, growth, and development.

Therefore, my dislike for birthday celebrations makes me different from you or anyone out there. Moreover, it is of no value to me as I live. With this, I recalled when a young school pupil was asked at a children’s program, Would you like to be like Aliko Dangote ?

He answered and said, “No, we are different.” For me, that was a brilliant answer, for it entails so many things.

I have long disciplined and have control of my mind, body, and soul to outgrow so many things that are not necessary or important for me to either have , do, or use. This has helped me to brush aside and ignore so many things. Perhaps for the purpose of association or friendship, I might like or admire some things about the individual concerned, but the fact remains I will not and shall never be you nor do as you do because even in death—funeral/burial—we are different.

Most birthdays are celebrated empty of how old the celebrants are because they are ageless. What is the rationale behind this?. Does it make sense? . My father, of blessed memory, was good at record keeping. He taught us, as his children, to be mindful of important dates and years for future use and documentation. He further reminded us that “your birthday has been properly celebrated during your naming ceremony. Why another birthday celebratio”n?

I have seen where some people took birthday celebrations as if they were a personal achievement, and some even took offense when you did not identify with them by either phone calls , text messages, or other social media handles. Shamelessly, few among these individuals confront you with the anger of a black mamba showing all over them as if it were an obligation to celebrate with them on this self-meaningless and childish glee, which I see as generational encroachment because as a mature adult, you no longer need such celebration. This is my opinion.

I will not conclude this article without telling readers that I do attend ceremonies like Thanksgiving, graduations, award presentations, marriages, namings, and funerals, among other important events, but not birthday celebrations; that is always Plus (+) One, year in and year out. What is a burlesque? And this brings me to where I will have to quote one of the two African poets, Wole Soyinka and John Pepper Clark (Abikus). Suffice to say, Plus (+) One is like the Abiku in Wole Soyinka’s poem “I am Abiku calling for the first… repeated time , ageless though our puke.” This is the way of many birthday celebrants .

Finally, I smell the spoor of some readers saying in their minds that this writer is out of date , a bushman, socially bankrupt, and does not belong. I guess I am right . Well, in recollection, calmness, and stillness, I stand to say we are different.

Balami, a publisher/columnist 08036779290.

Birthday Celebrations: Ageless Plus One They Puke

VP Kashim Shettima: Fate, Faith, and Lessons (1) 

By: Dr. James Bwala

Vice President Kashim Shettima’s political trajectory is emblematic of the intricate interplay between fate, faith, and the lessons derived from Nigeria’s fraught political landscape. His ascent to the vice presidency amid a controversial Muslim-Muslim ticket underscores the delicate balance he must maintain in a deeply religious and ethnically diverse nation. This position has thrust him into debates about inclusivity and representation, compelling him to advocate for equitable power-sharing despite prevailing sectarian tensions.

Shettima’s public endorsement of a Southern Christian Senate President, even at the expense of perceived meritocracy, reflects his commitment to national unity over narrow religious or regional interests. Such gestures reveal an understanding that faith should foster cohesion rather than division—a lesson critical in Nigeria’s volatile sociopolitical climate. However, this idealism exists against a backdrop where governance often appears disengaged from citizens’ urgent needs. This disconnect between leadership and citizenry challenges Shettima to bridge the gap, urging him to align his actions with the foundational values of empathy and accountability that can steer Nigeria towards a more inclusive future.

Ultimately, Shettima’s experience illustrates how personal conviction and political pragmatism coalesce within leadership roles constrained by structural violence and historical grievances. His journey teaches that navigating Nigeria’s complexities demands not only strategic acumen but also an unwavering faith in dialogue and inclusivity as tools for lasting peace. In this context, Shettima’s leadership journey serves as a testament to the necessity of balancing personal beliefs with the broader imperative of fostering national unity. His efforts underscore a critical lesson: that sustainable governance in Nigeria hinges on leaders who prioritize collective well-being over entrenched divisions. His leadership demonstrates the critical importance of empathy and a genuine commitment to national progress in overcoming deep-seated challenges that threaten Nigeria’s stability. 

His ability to navigate these challenges with a focus on dialogue and inclusivity not only affirms his commitment to national progress but also exemplifies the potential for leadership that transcends personal and political divides. His leadership approach, characterized by a deliberate effort to embrace diversity and promote equitable representation, reflects an understanding that Nigeria’s future hinges on the strength of its unity. His vision for a unified Nigeria, though ambitious, is a necessary pursuit in a nation where historical divisions have too often been exploited for political gain. 

Shettima’s advocacy for equitable political representation, as evidenced by his controversial yet principled stance on promoting a Southern Christian Senate President to ensure balance and inclusivity, further illustrates his dedication to transcending religious and regional divides. This commitment to bridging divides is a testament to his belief in a Nigeria where leadership is defined by the ability to rise above entrenched sectarian loyalties and foster an environment of mutual respect and cooperation. Shettima’s approach is not merely theoretical; it is grounded in a pragmatic understanding of Nigeria’s complex political landscape and the pressing need for leaders who can navigate these intricacies with both wisdom and courage. 

The Vice President remained committed by prioritizing national unity and inclusivity, even when faced with potential backlash from entrenched interests. By demonstrating a willingness to engage with diverse communities and advocate for equitable representation, Shettima exemplifies how faith can be harnessed as a unifying force rather than a divisive tool. By prioritizing a leadership style that embraces diversity, Shettima challenges the status quo and inspires hope for a political culture that values cooperation over conflict. 

This vision aligns with the notion that true leadership requires courage to enact meaningful change and a dedication to principles that transcend immediate political expediency. By fostering an inclusive political environment, Shettima not only highlights the potential for faith to act as a bridge across divides but also demonstrates an understanding that true progress in Nigeria hinges on leaders who are willing to prioritize long-term national stability over short-term political gains, a sentiment echoed by those who champion the need for leaders who embody both integrity and a vision for inclusive governance. 

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Shettima’s approach to governance, marked by a deliberate effort to balance religious and regional representation, serves as a testament to his belief in the power of inclusive politics to foster national cohesion. By navigating the complex interplay of religion and politics with a focus on fairness and representation, Shettima underscores the potential for faith to facilitate dialogue and mutual respect among Nigeria’s diverse populace. Shettima’s efforts to promote inclusivity and balance in political appointments, as evidenced by his advocacy for a Southern Christian Senate President despite potential controversy, reflect his commitment to fostering national unity and countering religious bias. Shettima’s vision for governance, therefore, emphasizes the importance of transcending religious and regional biases to create a political landscape where diverse voices contribute to national development. 

His advocacy for equitable representation is a pragmatic approach to addressing the historical imbalances that have often fueled distrust and division among Nigeria’s ethnic and religious groups. His leadership philosophy, thus, not only challenges the status quo but also aims to redefine the political narrative by fostering an environment where every Nigerian feels represented and valued. Shettima’s leadership, therefore, becomes a beacon of hope in a political landscape often marred by division and distrust. 

In this context, Shettima’s leadership is not only a reflection of his personal beliefs but also a strategic response to the broader challenges of religious bigotry and political imbalance in Nigeria. His approach, as observed in his recent initiatives, is a testament to his belief that sustainable progress can only be achieved through genuine collaboration and understanding among Nigeria’s multifaceted communities. Shettima’s endeavors, as highlighted by his leadership style, underscore a profound understanding that true progress in Nigeria is contingent upon dismantling the barriers of division and fostering a culture of cooperation and mutual respect among its citizens. His advocacy of balanced initiatives has sparked significant discussion, illustrating his willingness to prioritize national unity over parochial interests.

Shettima’s efforts to promote inclusivity and balance in political representation highlight his commitment to addressing the deep-seated issues of religious and ethnic division, demonstrating a leadership style that prioritizes unity over divisiveness. Shettima’s vision for a more cohesive Nigeria is not without its challenges, yet it reflects a strategic foresight that prioritizes long-term stability over short-term gains. His dedication to fostering a more inclusive political landscape is further reinforced by his efforts to engage with leaders across different regions and religious affiliations, promoting dialogue as a means to bridge the gaps that have long hindered national cohesion. 

His actions resonate with a broader vision for a united Nigeria, where diversity is celebrated as a strength rather than perceived as an obstacle to progress. His approach, rooted in both fate and faith, suggests that leadership can transcend entrenched divisions by embracing a broader vision of national identity that is inclusive and equitable for all citizens. 

* James Bwala, PhD, writes from Abuja.

VP Kashim Shettima: Fate, Faith, and Lessons (1)